The Captain always teases me by saying, “You know I never listen;” and I tease back by saying, “True. We have the perfect arrangement for living in Italy – you speak and I listen.” (He’s much better at speaking the language than I.)
While the captain may be teasing, it seems true to me that often people really don’t listen to others (I include myself in this group). The reasons are many – self-involvement, disinterest, hearing impairment, multi-tasking, language challenges, etc., etc.
The TED website recently put up a talk by sound specialist Julian Treasure which I found fascinating. He talks about why people don’t listen, and how we can all improve our listening skills. It’s a short video, just over seven minutes – here, take a look.
https://ted.com/talks/view/id/1200One of the things that has always struck me about Italy is the non-stop noise, at least where we live. As I type this it’s 10:30 at night and there’s a festa down the street a way with live music – very loud live music. Driving bass, banging drums and a songstress who is, alas, a bit flat. It’s not my taste in music, to be honest, but I don’t really resent it being forced on us (at least not until after 11 p.m. – last night the live music went til midnight and I did get a bit cranky). It happens only a few times a year up here. The amazing thing to me is that no one complains or seems to mind.
But if it’s not live music, there is always some other kind of aural stimulation – scooters and cycles tearing up and down the mountain; the bus slowly groaning its way up, merrily tootling its horn at every curve (a necessary precaution on these narrow roads) and then loudly sighing and chuffing at each stop; church bells from our village, from Montallegro and, if the wind is right, from the Rapallo Cathedral; ambulance and police sirens; cruise ship horns; airplanes overhead; dogs barking; cocks crowing at all hours; birds; children shouting (a particularly cheerful noise, that) and always, always conversation. Conversation as an art form is alive and well in this courteous country. Finding three minutes of silence daily, as recommended by Mr. Treasure (can that really be his name??) is a challenge here. Every now and then one of us awakens at 3 or 4 a.m., and we are struck by the relative silence – it is such a rarity.
In contrast the U.S. seems much quieter in general (not the cities, to be sure). The example the Captain likes to give is this: when Italy won the World Cup (European football) in 2006 the racket from Rapallo was amazing – horns blasted, cars tore through the center of town with kids hanging out waving flags and shouting, ships in the harbor blew their horns – it was an explosion of celebratory sound. In 2008 when the Arizona Cardinals (American football) won the game that sent them to the Super Bowl we stuck our heads outside right after the game. Our Arizona neighborhood was as silent as a tomb, the town was silent; and we were a mere forty miles from the stadium where the game was played. No one was out and about because anyone not at the game was surely inside watching it on TV – but afterwards there was no public demonstration of glee. And if someone’s party is noisy in the U.S. it takes the neighbors no time at all to call the police and complain.
So, is it harder to listen in Italy, where there is so much more ambient noise? Though the Captain might well disagree, I don’t really think so. But as we know, he doesn’t listen anyway…
An Ex-Expatriate 
I am tuned to country noises just like Rowena. life is very much lived in the open air in our little town during the summer months especially after dark when everyone emerges after the heat of the day.
As a musician, I think of silence as the blank canvas on which we paint our aural pictures during a performance. Noise is the equivalent of someone scribbling on that canvas. I simply can’t understand why everyone seems to need a personal sound track to life – omnipresent Muzak in stores and earbuds everywhere. Maybe because of the time I’ve spent creating music I don’t enjoy having it as a mere background constant. I do love the aleatory sounds of nature (wind in the trees, birds singing, buzzing cicadas). What I find myself actually needing to hear now and then is the sound of a voice other than my own – TV news and books on tape in the car do for me what four cats can’t!
So well put – I love the idea of irritating, extraneous sound being scribbling on the blank aural canvas – made me think of nails on a blackboard. I’m with you – without a bit of daily socialization I become a gloomy gus. But I’d be very happy for a cat, too, right now!
I can imagine that the decibels at yours is much higher and more plentiful than up here in the chestnut forest. Honestly…sometimes it gets to be TOO quiet and I will have the radio on outside for a bit of noise distraction. All of the other daily sounds – people cutting down trees, mowing lawns, barking dogs in the valley, donkeys chiming in on occasion, geese, ducks, chickens, church bells, public bus honking – they’ve become so commonplace that I don’t even notice them. It’s gotten to the point where I know which neighbor is coming home as I’ve got the sound of their car tuned in!
Wow, you’re good if you can recognize the sound of neighbors’ cars. I recognize Louis’s blatting scooter, but that’s about it – but then we have quite a bit of traffic up here. Isn’t it amazing how we learn to tune out sounds. I’ll go whole afternoons without ‘hearing’ the bells from the church down the street – but I’m pretty sure they’ve been bonging faithfully away. I love foresty sounds – wind in leaves, the whine of mosquitoes – no wait! I don’t love that! Cicadas… but like you, we bring our music outside with us in the evening. I sometimes wonder if what we listen to, which we like so much, is just irritating noise to our neighbors.
perhaps the Italians and Mexicans celebrate in the style of a close, happy family – a feeling that may be lacking in your AZ neighborhood – in the U.S. we find restaurants, malls, formerly quiet little shops awash in noise – music, blowers, compressors, loud voices ….. inside and out – even gas-stations blast music out-side – Have you read ‘A Time to Keep Silence’ by Patrick Leigh Fermor – 1957 – for true silence, solemnity, and solitude, get thee to a monastery!
You’ve put your finger on it. In Italy (and I assume Mexico) the ‘noise’ is nothing more than the sounds of living. The ‘music’ in restaurants, garages, malls, etc., is a way to aurally fill what seems (to some) to be a void. They’re qualitatively different. No, I haven’t read Fermor’s book, but will put it on my wish list and track it down when we get back to the States. Thank you for the reference. Silence, solemnity and solitude – I’ve always wanted to want them, but I need to see people every day, and yes, to hear them.
Mr. Treasure is! I didn’t know about TED and appreciate the introduction.
There is such a difference between listening and hearing; selective hearing is another minefield. A dear friend of ours, male/husband also, usually asks his wife “Is there going to be a test?” when she begins to tell him a story. He’s attentive when she answers “yes”.
Italy is not alone as a noisy place. Mexico is another ’round-the-clock racket region. Busses, parties, horns, bells, you-name-it and I promise it will happen at any & all hours. While it is not restful, it certainly is lively. A dear friend, my host in Puerta Vallarta, reminded me gently that it would be very quiet in my grave.
Still, I savour the desert silence, especially after a rain or at sunset, sipping wine and staring at our mountain as it turns red. Ahhhhhh.
There must be a million corny jokes about husbands who hear but don’t listen – fortuantely for you I can’t remember any of them. Silence as respite is heavenly, as a steady diet it might lead to madness, at least for me. Isn’t it interesting that there are different kinds of silence… the silence in a cathedral feels completely different than the desert silence you describe. hmmmm.
Mr Treasure is a Treasure! ( I adore what TED offers. ) In thinking about his “listening positions” I am reminded about listening with “soft ears,” ears of compassion. Seems it might help with the extreme, inflexible positions I’ve been hearing about so much recently in D.C.
I loved this blog!
Inflexible did you say? Why yes, I believe that would be an appropriate word! But I suspect a lot of people in politics are more into ‘speaking’ than into ‘listening.’ Look at Berlu – just today he said the Italian economy is just fine, thank you very much. Huh?
Then you must come to Sardegna. There is no noise here.
We have been to Sardegna once, and fell in love with it. What gorgeous country. We actually like all the noise here in Italy – as Mr. Treasure says, it helps define when and where we are. We miss the bells and the chatter when we’re in the U.S. – but maybe not so much the 3 a.m. cock crows! Thank you for reading and ‘liking’ so frequently Jennifer, I really appreciate it.