• Contact
  • Elaborations
    • A Policeman’s View
    • Driving School Diary
    • Great Danes
    • IVA charged on Tassa Rifiuti
    • Nana
    • Old trains and Old weekends
    • The peasant, the virgin, the spring and the ikon
    • Will Someone Please, Please Take Me to Scotland??
  • Recipes
    • ‘Mbriulata
    • *Baked Barley and Mushroom Casserole*
    • *Captain’s Boston Baked Beans*
    • *Cherry Tart*
    • *Crimson Pie*
    • *Louise’s Birthday Cake*
    • *Melanzane alla Parmigiana* – Eggplant Parmesan
    • *Penne with Cabbage and Cream
    • *Pizzoccheri della Valtellina*
    • *Pumpkin Ice Cream*
    • *Risotto alla Bolognese*
    • *Rolled Stuffed Pork Roast* on the rotisserie
    • *Shrimp and Crayfish Tail Soup*
    • *Spezzatino di Vitello*
    • *Stuffed Grape Leaves*
    • *Swordfish with Salsa Cruda*
    • *Tagliarini with Porcini Mushrooms*
    • *Tagliatelli al Frutti di Mare*
    • *Tzatziki*
    • 10th Tee Apricot Bars
    • Adriana’s Fruit Torta
    • Artichoke Parmigiano Dip
    • Best Brownies in the World
    • Clafoutis
    • Cod the Way Sniven Likes It
    • Cold Cucumber Soup
    • Crispy Tortillas with Pork and Beans
    • Easy spring or summer pasta
    • Fagioli all’ucelleto
    • Fish in the Ligurian Style
    • Hilary’s Spicy Rain Forest Chop
    • Insalata Caprese
    • Kumquat and Cherry Upside Down Cake
    • Lasagna Al Forno con Sugo Rosato e Formaggi
    • Lemon Meringue Pie
    • Leo’s Bagna Cauda
    • Leo’s Mother’s Stuffed Eggs
    • Louis’s Apricot Chutney
    • Mom’s Sicilian Bruschetta
    • No-Knead Bread (almost)
    • Nonna Salamone’s Famous Christmas Cookies
    • Pan-fried Noodles, with Duck, Ginger, Garlic and Scallions
    • Pesto
    • Pesto
    • Pickle Relish
    • Poached Pears
    • Polenta Cuncia
    • Pumpkin Sformato with Fonduta and Frisee
    • Rustic Hearth Bread
    • Sicilian Salad
    • Soused Hog’s Face
    • Spotted Dick
    • Swedish Tea Wreaths
    • The Captain’s Salsa Cruda
    • Tomato Aspic
    • Vongerichten’s Spice-Rubbed Chicken with Kumquat-Lemongrass Dressing
    • Winter Squash or Pumpkin Gratin
    • Zucchini Raita

An Ex-Expatriate

~ and what she saw

An Ex-Expatriate

Category Archives: Customs

At the Table

10 Wednesday Mar 2010

Posted by farfalle1 in Customs, Food, Italian habits and customs, Uncategorized

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

American Table Manners, Eating in Italy, Italian Eating Customs, Italian Table Manners

There are many dining differences between the U.S. and Italy, but some of them are rather subtle.  The food is the first and most obvious, with the dining hour a close second. Holding the fork in the left hand to eat after cutting food is also the common Italian practice, as it is in much of Europe… much more efficient than the American practice of shifting the fork from right hand to left to cut meat, say, then shifting it back again to the right to eat politely.

How much more sensible to just spear it with that fork, saw off a hunk, and ahhhhhhh.

There are otherItalian dining customs that we have learned about only slowly.  The hands on the table for instance; in the U.S. it is considered polite to keep your non-working hand in your lap and your elbows off the table.  In Italy this is highly suspect – just what do you have in your hand that you don’t want your fellow diners to see?  No.  The unoccupied hand should rest, fist gently closed on the edge of the table, where everyone can see what you’re up to.  It’s not unusual to see people rest the whole arm on the table, from near elbow to fist.  Our hand model in the first photo above is illustrating a hybrid of the two practices, eating with her fork in her right hand (American) but resting her left paw on the table (Italian).

Thirsty?  Hang on a second.  Don’t just pick up your glass and drink; you’ll get food residue on your glass.  Instead you want to wipe your mouth with your napkin, then take a sip.  Then wipe your mouth again.


Perish the thought you should get an itchy scalp during a meal.  In Italy it is considered bad manners to touch the hair while eating.  I’m not exactly sure why this is so.  It’s not like you’re running your fingers through your hair and then sticking out your hand to shake with someone else (we see golfers do this all the time at the end of matches – ick!). But then, I’m not sure manners always make a great deal of sense.


(It’s no wonder our patient model wants to pull her hair out – this is about the 6th time I’ve said to her, “Wait! Wait!  Let me take a picture of that!”  Makes it hard to enjoy the food…)

Dinner’s done and it’s time to clear the table.  In the U.S. it is not unusual to make multiple trips to the kitchen carrying two items at a time – it’s not polite to stack plates, we were taught.  I’m happy to say that this work-inducing custom does not exist in Italy.  Everyone, from the very talented waiters in restaurants to the maid serving a fancy private dinner, will stack the plates before staggering out to the kitchen with them: another triumph of common sense!

Time for fruit.  Wait!  Don’t pick up that fruit with your hands!  In Italy we cut our fruit with knives and forks, and eat it with forks.  And it’s best not to eat the skin – just cut that off as well.  You never know what might be on it, even if it has been well washed.  It is a joy to watch an Italian delicately separate the skin from, say, a pear, and tidily eat – it’s an art form. This is a skill I have not yet mastered.  I still like to eat my apples the American way, cut in quarters and enjoyed from the hand.

Care for a cafe?  Well, okay.  I won’t join you, because I don’t care for it myself, but I’d be happy to make you some.  Just remember that in Italy, coffee after dinner means espresso.  Period.  It does not mean cappuccino, which typically is drunk only in the morning, or any of the other myriad Italian coffee styles.  It means a short, dark and very strong espresso.

I’m grateful to the students in my adult ESL classes of a few years ago for teaching me these niceties. There are probably a lot of other customs of Italian dining I’ve omitted – any additions, fellow bloggistas?

Dinner at Eight

17 Sunday Jan 2010

Posted by farfalle1 in American habits and customs, Customs, Italian habits and customs, Italy, Uncategorized

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

American dinner hour, Eating in Italy, Italian dinner hour

There are some differences in living habits between the US and Italy that are just plain hard to get used to. For us, coming back to the States for a while, it is very hard to get used to the fact that most people eat dinner at 6 o’clock, or earlier. There’s a restaurant down the street from us here, and when I drove by at 4:45 yesterday evening the parking lot was jammed with cars. Everyone was there for a 5 o’clock dinner (All You Can Eat Fish Fry on Wednesdays and Fridays – another concept that would be foreign and bizarre to an Italian restaurateur).

For us, 5 o’clock is the Hour of Tea, 6 o’clock is the Hour of Drink-n-Snack, 7 o’clock is the Hour of Dinner Preparation and 8 o’clock is the Dinner Hour. We’ve just gotten used to it that way, because that’s the dinner hour in Italy. In fact, away from the main tourist cities you would be hard pressed to find a restaurant that opens its doors before 8 p.m., or perhaps 7:30.

This eating schedule has a ripple effect. Last weekend my friend Margaret and I went to a play at the ASU Gammage Hall – the ‘darkly comic’ ‘August: Osage County‘ by Tracy Letts (it was great – we laughed and groaned). What time did it start? 7 p.m.! The week before the Captain and I went to a delightful John O’Conor piano recital down the street (glorious); it started at 7:30. That would never happen in Italy! When would one eat??!  Typically in Italy the cultural events are before dinner, starting at 4, 5, or even 6 p.m., or after dinner, starting at 9 or 9:30 p.m.

Why the difference?  I think (and this is pure conjecture on my part) that the early eating habits in Arizona are due to the fact that there are so many mid-western transplants here.  On a big mid-western farm you might get up with the sun and have a cup of coffee and a snack.  Then you might work for a few hours and stop mid-morning for an enormous breakfast.  Then you would work again until the sun got low (5 o’clock?) when it would be time for a hearty dinner.  Even though fewer and fewer people work on farms, I think the early eating habit has persisted.

In Italy the large meal was typically eaten mid-day with an hour or two of rest following.  Then work continued until the evening, when a much smaller meal (minestrone?) was eaten.  That is changing somewhat, especially in the large cities, as Italy becomes more an Office Culture.  But most stores and businesses are still closed mid-day and then are open again from 3:30 or 4 until 7:30 or 8, at which point it is time for dinner.

I don’t much care for the late night events any more, but it is delightful to go to a wonderful concert at 5 p.m., come out at 6:30 or 7, take a stroll through the town, find a good restaurant and sit down for a fine meal at 8 or so, a pleasure we miss when we’re in the U.S.

So, why the Dinner at Eight video above?  Well, the title is appropriate, and as a librarian I just couldn’t resist sharing Jean Harlow’s book review.  I bet everyone would like to be a member of her book club!

Our Clean House

05 Saturday Sep 2009

Posted by farfalle1 in American habits and customs, Customs, Italian habits and customs, Italian women, Italy, Uncategorized

≈ 27 Comments

Tags

house cleaning

cleaningAccording to a 2006 article in the Corriere by Elvira Serra, American women spend an average of 4 hours a week doing housework.  Italian women beat them, hands down. Here are the details:  “80% of Italian women iron everything, including socks and handkerchiefs, 31% have a dishwasher, 2% use scrubbing brushes and 1% have a clothes dryer [Electricity is very costly in Italy, so most people don’t want a clothes dryer]. In the end, Italians devote twenty-one hours a week to household chores, of which five are spent ironing. Cooking is not included in the total.”  So, 21 hours a week for Italian women and 4 for Americans.

These figures don’t tell the whole story, either.  By and large, Italian homes are much smaller than American homes.  The average house size in the U.S. is +/- 2300 square feet.  Here in Italy, the average is 700-1100 square feet.  So Italian women are spending 4 times the hours to take care of half, or less than half, the space.

This got me thinking, of course.  Back when I had a full time job in Connecticut, we hired someone to clean the house.  And wouldn’t you know, Kathy, and later Peg,  came for 4 hours a week and took very good care of our 2700 square foot house.  When we moved to Italy we continued our practice, and Lada cleaned our house for almost four years.  (When her second child arrived, Lada retired… but she worked until 2 weeks before Daniel’s arrival, that’s how great she was.)  Lada worked 4.5 hours a week, and did a terrific job on our 1184 square foot house, but ironing was not included in her job description, just cleaning.

Why does it take so much longer in Italy?  Because in Italy a basic weekly clean includes a lot more than in the States.  In the States the job entailed dusting, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms (but not the kitchen – there wasn’t time), and mopping the bathroom and kitchen floors.  When I knew Lada was leaving I watched carefully to learn how to clean in the Italian style.  First she carried all the rugs outside and gave them a good shake, and left them hanging over a railing.  Then she dusted and vacuumed.  In particularly high traffic areas (kitchen, stairs) she first swept, and then vacuumed.  Then she washed all the floors, which meant moving all the light furniture around and then replacing it.  Then she carried the rugs back in and vacuumed them.   The house sparkled.  After Lada retired I took over, and it takes me about 5.5 or 6 hours to do what she did in 4.5.  But I do it all (over two days) because the house looks so nice afterwards.

Mr. CleanAnother big difference between here and there is the number of cleaning products.  (The French gentleman above lives in Italy, too.  Here his name is Mastro Lindo.)  mastrolindoIn the States we used amonia in the water to wash the tile floors, window cleaner for the windows, and, if we were feeling really fancy, some kind of spray on the dust cloths.  We also had special polish for the wooden furniture, which we polished once or twice a year.  Here there is an endless parade of cleaning products, each aimed at a very specific task – one to clean porcelain basins, another to clean tile floors and walls, another to clean stone, another to clean wooden floors, polish for furniture, window cleaners, anti-calcium cleaners (liquid for topical use, powder to add to the clothes washer) – it’s quite confusing to know exactly what to get. (According to the Corriere article, when Unilever tried to market a one-cleaner-does-it-all product it was a complete flop.)  In desperation I’ve begun to make some of my own cleansers, but just the basic ones.  I’m an American cleaner after all, it seems, a 4-hour a week girl.  Even without another job I can’t imagine spending 21 hours a week on household chores.  Nor can I imagine ironing the Captain’s socks!

Why do Italian women spend so much time cleaning?  The Corriere article answers:  “Perhaps a British poll can throw some light on the issue. The Discovery Channel Home and Health website asked 2,000 women aged from 18 to 80:  59% said that cleaning their homes made them feel in control of their own lives and 60% found housework “mentally therapeutic”.”  Well, there is a certain zen-like monotony to house cleaning – you do the same old things in the same old way every week, and then you get to do it again the next week and the next.  I guess that’s therapy of a sort.  Me?  I’d rather take my therapy in a swimming pool, at the gym or, better yet, at the dining table!

A Disturbing Sight

22 Saturday Aug 2009

Posted by farfalle1 in Customs, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

arson, Burnt car, Matteo Vincenzo Vitale

There’s a big curve on our road where the pavement widens and there’s a pull-off. When we first moved here it was a favorite dumping spot for all manner of junk – construction detritus, old appliances, anything big, clunky and inconvenient. More recently, though, it has become a place where cars mysteriously appear, and then disappear. We’ve long thought that they were stolen cars that were left on the curve and which the police then hauled away.

Then this summer a blue Fiat wagon appeared regularly, most frequently on weekends  Why?  We surmised that someone who came and went from Rapallo felt he found a good temporary parking spot.  If so, he will have changed his mind.

burned car

This is what the car looks like now.  Someone, or more likely several someones, had a little fun with matches.  I find this terribly disturbing on two counts.  First, the wanton destruction of valuable property is so wasteful.  It is also a violent expression of… of what? of something very distressing.  Anger?  Antipathy? Boredom? Insanity?  Who knows?  I can’t imagine burning up a car for pleasure, for vendetta or for any other reason.  It has stood on the corner for about a month now, a mute testament to the destructive urges of some Rapallini.  Why it hasn’t yet been towed I can’t imagine.

burned car front seat

The second reason it is all so distressing is that this particular curve has become a memorial site.  About two years ago an 18 year old boy named Matteo Vincenzo Vitale had a bit too much to drink and drove his motorcycle smack into the stone wall at the side of the curve.  His friends and family have created, and still maintain, a little shrine to him there.

Teo's memorial

The paint is fading and his sports shirt is the worse from being out in the elements, but someone replaces the flowers regularly.  To see the burnt hulk of the Fiat adjacent to where Teo met his own violent end is just overwhelmingly sad.  It shows an ugly lack of respect, not only for the property destroyed, but for the meaning that the place has to others.  It’s just a pity.

Pickle Relish

01 Wednesday Jul 2009

Posted by farfalle1 in American recipes, Customs, Food, Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

4th of July, Brats, Hot dogs, Independence Day, Relish

relishOh! The things we take for granted in the United States, things like peanut butter and pickle relish.  Neither of these items is readily available in Rapallo, and usually we don’t miss them very much.  But watch out – the 4th of July is just around the corner.  You can’t get through the 4th of July without a hot dog or a brat, and according to me, you can’t eat either without pickle relish on top.

The solution to the scarcity problem is obvious: we must make our own.  We made this recipe a couple of years ago and served it at a 4th party, which included many Italian friends.  To our surprise they loved it, to the point of requesting the recipe.  “It will be good with chicken and pork,” one of them said.  I suppose so, though we generally opt for the Captain’s chutney with that kind of meat.  But for a good old ‘Merican hot dog or German brat, nothing beats relish on top, and this recipe makes a relish unlike the vivid green items you can buy in American supermarkets.  We adapted it from a recipe we found on cooks.com.

Dancing hot dog C

(Picture found on web - thank you anonymous artist!)

Happy Independence Day, everyone!  Eat a hot dog!!

Smoke

05 Friday Jun 2009

Posted by farfalle1 in Customs, gardening, Italian habits and customs, Italy, Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

agricultural burning, agricultural fires, brush burning in Italy

Native Americans knew how to use smoke to force rodents to flee their desert burrows; once they emerged the Indians killed and ate them.  We’re feeling a bit that way – like the rodents, that is, not Native Americans.

fire in the valley2

Italy is a burning country.  Visit Tuscany in late October or November and you will find a shroud of smoke from agricultural fires over the landscape.  Coming from a part of New England where one needed a permit from the Fire Marshall to do any burning on one’s property, it was a shock to us to see how many fires there are, almost every day, dotting the hills and mountains around us.  After a year, though, we understood.  It is such a verdant, lush country, there is simply no way to compost or keep up with the excess growth that needs to be removed. (According to the European Commission, agriculture is responsible for 9% of the world’s total greenhouse gas emissions (though to be fair, agriculture also serves as a G.G. sink).  A large percentage of those emissions come from methane and manure – turns out all those cow-fart jokes were based on fact after all)

Burning becomes delicate when you live amongst others.  It’s best if you or your neighbors burn on a day that is not dry and windy.  A day without a thermal inversion is good – then the smoke goes up instead of around and around.  And most of all, it’s really nice if you burn so your smoke doesn’t go right into your neighbors’ windows.

sandro's evening fire

Our neighbor Sandro has recently cut his grass, using, as everyone else does, a weed whacker rather than a mower.  It’s back-breaking, dirty, unpleasant work, and I’m happy to say Sandro does it once or twice a year, whether he needs to or not.  Oh meow! Of course the grass and weeds were up to his waist, which made his job even nastier.  Then, because there were so many whackings (can’t really call them ‘clippings’ in this case), he had to rake them into piles, and then he burned them.  Right under our terrace.  Ordinarily this wouldn’t bother us one whit, but that day we had an inversion, and the slight air movement we did have brought the smoke from his fire right into our house, never mind our yard where we had been hoping to work ourselves.  It started at 9:30 a.m. and he lit his last fire at 8:30 p.m.

There was a strange principle of physics at work that day: we were able to receive most of the smoke from two separate fires, one on either side of our terrace.  How this happens is not quite clear to me.  I think there’s probably a formula, something like:  NI = (e) SD + (w) SD +T / square root H, where ‘e’ is east, ‘w’ is west, SD is smoke diffusion, T is temperature, H is humidity and NI is neighbor irritability.  Risking the Bad Neighbor Award the Captain took our longest hose and put out one of the fires. Our eyes were still watering, and our throats were scratchy the next day.

I’m hoping to be able to get out in our own garden tomorrow.  I’ve got a big brush pile that needs burning.

Gotta match?

21 Thursday May 2009

Posted by farfalle1 in Customs, Italian bureaucracy, Italian habits and customs, Italy, Uncategorized

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

buying matches in Italy, matches, monopolies in Italy, monopoly on matches in Italy, salt monopoly in Italy

Tabacchi sign“Don’t forget to pick up some matches,” I reminded the Captain when he was headed out to market for dinner the other day.

“It’s on the list,” he answered.  But this was no guarantee that the matches would come home with the groceries, because it takes a special stop at a special shop to get matches; you cannot buy them in a grocery store or supermarket.  Or at a gas station or a restaurant.  In fact, the only place you can buy matches (fiammiferi – fee-ah-me’-fair-ee) is at the shop of the tabachaio (tah-bah-kaay’-oh), the tobacconist.

The tabacchaio sells more than just tobacco and matches.  As you can see from the sign above he also sells Lotto tickets, salt (sale) and Valori Bollati (literally stamps with value).  Salt?  You can buy salt in the grocery store now; I’ve never actually tried to buy any from a tabacchaio,  it might be fun to try.

But WHY??  Why can we buy matches only at the Tabacchi?  Ha.  It’s because the State still has a monopoly on the sale of matches (as well as tobacco).  Look under the Right cross piece of the T in the photo – it says Riv No. 14.  That stands for Rivendita – a resale point – and this is tobacco shop #14 in Rapallo.  Our friend Sandro told us that the number of such shops is limited in each town; which is to say that if you or I wanted to open up a new cigarette store we’d be out of luck.  One must take special exams to sell tobacco, matches, etc., and it is difficult and complicated.  No surprise there.

Sandro said, furthermore, that once you have your tobacco store you serve at the pleasure of the State; you must be open at certain times, according to a state-determined schedule. As in any monopoly, prices are set by the monopoly-holder.  The box of matches that eventually found its way to our kitchen carried a tax stamp,tax stamp on match box like the ones that come on liquor bottles in the U.S.  No doubt the State gets a nice profit from the whole enterprise; they get to set the price and to tack on a tax. One kitchen-sized box of matches cost E1.

Valori Bollati are tax stamps.  A document frequently needs a tax stamp before it can be presented.  For instance, when we applied for our permessi di soggiorno we had to attach a tax stamp for E 14.62 (I know, but that’s what it was!) to each application. Most applications carry a tax charge, and you get the stamp, the bollato, from the tabacchaio.  This is the same thing as the ‘application fees’ that US residents know so well.  The only difference is that there’s an added layer of inconvenience: you have to go to the Tabacchi to get the stamp, instead of just paying at the office where you’re filing your paper.

And the salt?  Turns out the State used to have a monopoly on salt, but gave it up in 1976, at the behest of the European Economic Commission.  Why the signs have not been changed in the intervening 30+ years is a mystery.  (Lotto has been around in Italy at least since the 1880’s, as this New York Times article explains).

It’s seems odd to an American, this business of a monopoly.  We have laws forbidding such things in the States, but here in Italy it is part of the government’s business.  The only monopoly I can think of in the US is the postal service, and even that has competition from FedEx and UPS. Other than taxes I can’t think of another government monopoly – can you?

You won’t find The Little Match Girl in Italy.  In fact, unless you go to the Tabacchi, you won’t find any matches at all.

The Animal Fair

02 Saturday May 2009

Posted by farfalle1 in Animals in Italy, Customs, Photographs, Rapallo, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Animal fair, farm animals, tree-felling competition, tree-limbing competition

In the US we are accustomed to  big annual State Fairs.  Held on sites that are specifically designed for the event, complete with permanent buildings for various types of entries, they boast everything from First Aid demonstrations to tractor-pulling contests, from pot-bellied pigs to pots of strawberry jam.  Frequently they are more carnival than agricultural, featuring as many rides, races and vendors as there are prize bulls, perfect pies and large pumpkins.

The American county fairs are much more numerous and much smaller in scale.  For instance, in Connecticut this year there are thirty-two small fairs scheduled, mostly in the autumn.  These fairs emphasize animals and produce, with fewer rides and midways.  One thing that is common to both the large and small fairs in the US is that there is always competition involved: who has the tastiest cream pie?  The largest unblemished tomatoes?  Whose horse can drag the heaviest sledge?

The agricultural fairs here in Italy tend to be more like the county fairs in the US.  They focus on a particular theme and stick pretty close to it.  For instance, we recently attended the Fiere del Bestiame e Agricultura in the Santa Maria section of Rapallo (Animal and Agriculture Fair). the-scene-along-the-river2 It is a small fair, held along the banks of the  Torrente San Maria, and it is always a delight.  The big tree and shrub fair comes to Rapallo in January.  This April fair is for buying chicks, ducks, turkeys, geese, goats and sheep; for buying flower plants; and for dreaming about a new piece of equipment for your farm.  It also gives the local woodsmen a chance to compete in various wood-cutting skills, felling temporary trees and limbing downed trees (this is the only competition I’ve seen at an Italian fair yet).

chain-saw-comp-timber

Like every fair in Italy there are also ‘bancarelle’ (stalls) selling food, fabric, hardware and jewelry.

cheese-for-saleOne of our favorites is the man who sells a sweet wafer from Tuscany.  The machine that makes the wafer is so complex, the product so simple.  It reminds us a bit of an elaborate tortilla-press.  Best of all, the vendor gives samples of his product, a delicate, slightly anise-flavored treat, Tuscany’s sweet answer to the potato chip.

tuscan-sweet-machine

tuscan-sweet-chip

I’m crazy about the animals.  The goats and sheep always look like they’ve just heard a very good joke, but they’re not going to share it with you.

sheep

Some of the chickens look annoyed, especially those wearing feather skirts, and some simply look foolish.  The bunnies are adorable, and are always mobbed by small children who want to pat them.  Baby fowl of all ilk are sweet when they’re fuzzy, yellow and young.  If you’d like to see photos of a few more of the animals, click here and select slide show.  The one picture I wanted and didn’t get was of the bee-hive between two sheets of glass, so you can see the hive being built and all the bees buzzing around.  Come to think of it, I saw a similar display the last time I visited the Addison County Fair in Vermont.  Bloomin’ Onion, anyone?

Expatriate in the land of the slim and beautiful

08 Sunday Mar 2009

Posted by farfalle1 in American habits and customs, Customs, Italian habits and customs, Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

self-image

woman

Last week a woman stopped me, with my wet hair and bloodshot eyes, in the parking lot of the Mesa YMCA and asked if I’d been swimming.  “Yes,” I replied, “and it was great!”

“Isn’t it cold?” she asked.

“Not at all,” I answered, “the pool is heated and it’s always between 82 and 84 F [27-29 C], and it’s pretty clean, too.”

(Photo courtesy of Centiblab.com)

“I haven’t been in a swim suit in 10 years,” the woman said, gazing longingly through the fence where the light played on the blue pool..  She was easily ten years younger than I and had a lovely, slim figure.  “I hate my legs,” she continued, “so I’ll never wear a swim suit again.”

We continued our conversation a bit longer, with me trying to persuade her that a) she was lovely (she was), b) no one would care what her legs look like and c) swimming is wonderful exercise and if she likes it, why not do it?  But it was all useless.  She was paralyzed by her leg hate, and couldn’t imagine exposing herself in a swim suit to anyone, anywhere, anytime.

What a pity.  And how odd.

Or maybe not.

Many of us focus on some aspect of our appearance that doesn’t please us.  As adults, though, we usually get past adolescent insecurity and are able to accept ourselves, literally warts and all.  For some, though, this preoccupation can become a form of mental illness called Body dysmorphic disorder, most commonly, but not always, found in the young.  And guys – it’s not just for females, as a study in the British Medical Journal posited a few years ago. It can lead to self-hatred and a myriad of other disorders, including anorexia.

None of this is ‘news.’ Media has been yakking for years about the unrealistic expectations young men and women have for their own appearances based on how models look. There was a big faroo-farah in 2006 when Madrid banned overly-skinny models from the fashion catwalks, and Italy followed suit. In 2004 Dove soap began a campaign aimed at young women to help them be satisfied with their bodies.

I found myself wondering that day in the parking lot of the Y if this problem exists to the same extent in Italian adults.  I don’t know the answer.  To the casual observer at the beach, European bathers seem much happier in their skins than their American counterparts – but that’s just one person’s observation. Certainly my own friends there do not seem as preoccupied with their appearances as some of my friends here. Curiously, a Google of ‘where do people worry most about appearance’ brought up a raft of sites in the UK.  hmmmmm.  Interesting, and perhaps meaningless. This is not scientific.

I wish I could meet that lady again and persuade her to swim.  I wish I could tell her about all the lovely people who sunbathe on Rapallo beaches in all kinds of dress and undress, revealing all sizes and shapes of bodies. I wish I could tell her that it’s not what her legs look like that matters.  It’s what my legs look like that matters.  Just kidding.  By the way – that’s a picture of me when I was young at the top of the post.  Just kidding again; I’m definitely an expatriate in the land of the slim and beautiful… but I’m not upset by it and am happy just to be alive, and so grateful that no matter what I look like, I can still swim!

Expatriate is visiting another foreign country later this week: California.  Stay tuned.


Wanderers

12 Monday Jan 2009

Posted by farfalle1 in American habits and customs, Customs, Travel, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

restless gene, restlessness, Travel, urge to travel, wanderlust

Courtesy of touregypt.net

Courtesy of touregypt.net

A December “Briefly Noted” in the New Yorker about Edmund White’s new biography of Rimbaud struck a synchronous note with an essay by Bruce Chatwin entitled “It’s a nomad nomad world,”  which I happened to read a few days later.  Why?  Rimbaud and Chatwin were both inveterate wanderers (and I hope the similarities end there because Rimbaud sounds horrid and I like the restless Chatwin).

Why do we wander? Why would someone with a lovely place to live in Italy want to spend time elsewhere?  Why does anyone want to pick up stakes and move?  It’s not all economics or thinking that ‘the grass is greener over there’.  Chatwin, in his essay, posits that our genetic heritage makes us move: “All our activities are linked to the idea of journeys.  And I like to think that our brains have an information system giving us our orders for the road, and that here lie the mainsprings of our restlessness.”

Man has existed in more or less his present state for perhaps 200,000 years; civilization dates from at least 4,000 BC., or earlier.  Before that people wandered of necessity to find food and/or shelter.  Now, maybe, we wander because of the restless gene that pricks our curiosity and makes us want to see the geography of other parts of the world, hear strange languages and meet people with different frames of reference (and maybe eat some new and interesting food as well).  Maybe, as well, that urge for movement makes 1-hour commutes acceptable to vast numbers of people who are otherwise sane.

There are those who cheerfully wander in their imaginations, and sometimes I think they have the best trips of all.  At the very least they’re home in time for supper.  But others are afflicted with such wanderlust that a month at ‘home’ is painful.   Most of us, I suppose, fall somewhere in between, being happy by our own hearths most of the time, while enjoying an occasional safe journey.

But isn’t it nice when planning the madness of, say, airplane travel or a long stay in a strange place, to know that we really can’t help it?  It’s a biological imperative!

Yesterday I put my visiting sister and her friend on a plane for home and I’m going to leave sunny, warm Arizona to go to grey, wintery Vermont for about a week.  It’s something I just have to do…

Where are you going?  Do you travel frequently or are you a homebody?

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